Do It Scared

Have you wanted to start something new … join a gym, go to a natural-food market, try a Pilates class … but you were scared of doing something wrong and looking out of place?

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I get it. This past week I tried something different to build relationships with some new people. I thought I had prepared, but when I got to talking with them, within about 60 seconds I knew I was going to look foolish.

I felt uncomfortable and nervous. My face was blushed for the first 30 minutes. I also knew if I cut it short and left I would not build the relationships — and I would damage my confidence for the future.

I asked myself …

What’s the worst that can happen? I blush and look silly for a bit, they aren’t gracious, I learn something and life moves on.

What’s the best that can happen? I blush and look silly for a bit, we form a relationship, I get more comfortable and we have a great time.

When you are thinking of trying something new in your life — whether trying out a new class or ordering a healthy dish at a restaurant — do it even if you are scared.

Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen? If you can handle whatever that is (and I’ll bet you can), then do it. There’s a 99% chance (not a real statistic) it won’t be the worst. It will likely be closer to the best.

What finally happened for me? One person I really connected with by the end of an hour. Another person I never felt comfortable with and that’s ok.

You can fulfill your potential. Sometimes that means doing life scared.

How to Believe You can Reach Your Goals

You have some goals you want to reach.

  • Complete a 5K?

  • Feel more confident when you walk into that meeting?

  • Be able to lift your kids (without hurting your back)?

  • Be around for your kids when they have your grandkids?

  • Lose 20 pounds?

To reach those goals you have to change your habits.

And to change your habits you have to believe you can, right?

This past week I learned a powerful technique to changing your beliefs and I want to share it with you:

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Belief Stacking!

Whatever habit you are wanting to upgrade, write what you need to believe concerning it.

For example -

GOAL: Complete a 5K

HABIT: Run/walk 4 days each week according to training plan

BELIEF: Exercise is important to my life and I am able to stick with the training plan

BELIEF STACK: Write out 50 reasons that belief is true. Yes. 50.

The first 10 or so will be easy to write out…

  1. “I have followed a walking program before.”

  2. “My kids want to walk with me a couple of nights/week.”

  3. “I like how I sleep better when I exercise.”

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But the power comes when you have to dig deep to get all the way to 50 reasons. And sometimes you have to turn an excuse into a reason.

“My work is so busy that I don’t have time” becomes “I come up with creative solutions while I run, so I actually work faster.”

What goal and habit are you working on? Try Belief Stacking and let me know your results!

Five Lessons to Make a Habit

It’s done! My tooth implant journey that started about 6 months ago is finished and, wow, there are some “how to make a habit” lessons you need to know from this.

Last fall I posted videos about the parallels between getting the implant and how to make a habit.

  1. When something is no longer serving you, it is time to replace it. (For example, my baby tooth had been loose for years and I was having to eat around it.)

  2. Fake it. When you are making a new habit it will feel unnatural and uncomfortable to you at first. (As the metal implant adhered to the bone, I had to wear a fake-tooth “contraption” in my mouth. Not comfortable.)

The day of the final procedure (getting the permanent tooth attached) I had two more ah-ha’s. One I share in this video. The other one came immediately after the procedure - and is probably the biggest lesson - and the hardest one. Which means, personally, I’ll apply it most going forward when I am making a new habit.

What is it?

Do Not Wait.

I kept putting off getting the implant for years. Various reasons. (A.K.A. Various excuses.)

But once it was done, I thought “Why did I wait?” I can eat without being “extra careful to not hit the baby tooth.” I can take kickboxing lessons without worrying about the loose tooth.

Suddenly the reasons and excuses sounded silly.

What habit are you wanting to make? What major transformation or tiny shift do you desire? Take a second and think about that. Then think about your excuses.

A few months from now you can look back and say “Well, if I’d started I would be here by now.” Or you can say “Wow! I did it!” (Worst case? “Wow! I’m come so far!”)

Either way the months will pass. Those excuses for not making your new habit will seem silly once you make the habit.

Do Not Wait.

Get the people and resources you need (which was another habit-making lesson) - and then go make it happen.

6 Reasons Why You Need to Learn to Thrive

While growing up I suspected I had developed an unhealthy relationship with food – and sometimes even exercise.  But it was years later at a work potluck Christmas party that I knew I absolutely had a problem and had to change.

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Everyone else was at the buffet ooh-ing and ah-ing over different dishes colleagues brought. 

I was in the bathroom terrified. 

“If I eat that _____ I’ll have to workout extra tomorrow. Who knows how many grams of ____ it has.”

“I want to try ____ but if I do I’ll probably not be able to stop eating it. I’ll lose control.”

“I’ll be good and just have the veggies I brought.  If I break my diet I’ll be bad.”

I realized I was the only one, apparently, who did not feel she could enjoy the food, the people, or the party and I stayed as far away from the table as possible.  Why?  I thought something was inherently wrong with me. 

Truth? By that party I had spent almost 20 years fine-tuning my “diet mentality,” through the various diet and exercise rules I “learned.”

And I wanted freedom.  Desperately.

I wanted to exercise just because it felt amazing and made me strong and healthy. Not because it burned calories I’d eaten the day before.

I wanted to eat a balanced meal because it was satisfying.

I wanted to enjoy a cookie without fear of eating five.

I wanted to go to a party and enjoy it all.

Scratch that.

I didn’t even know that was possible.  All I could fathom was maybe not being consumed with worrying about every morsel, gram, or repercussion after a party.

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Thankfully, that part of me is a distant memory, because …

I found my path to THRIVE.

Did you see?

I released a brand new course where I’m going to share with you the mindset, principles, techniques, tools and skills practiced by people who find – and follow – their unique path to health, wellness, and a Thriving Life.

It’s called …

THRIVE LIFE (Go here to learn more; we get started in just a few days.)

While there are so many health benefits to this way of life, the most surprising benefit has nothing to do typical health-parameters.

It has to do with relationships and accomplishing other goals.

Huh?

Let me explain.  Envision that same work party where I locked myself away in the bathroom.  If my mind had been free from food-fear, I would have been mingling with colleagues and enjoying getting to know their families, enriching my relationships.

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And when my mental and emotional space is not cluttered with how many calories I eat or burn or how much I do this or that, my mind is free to be creative and pursue dreams.  Plus, there is way less stress.

Here are six reasons why you need to learn your path to THRIVE.

#1 – You stop outsourcing your emotional health to food or over-exercise

You can learn the difference between physical and emotional hunger.

Food was created to bring you pleasure, but it is not what heals hurts or brings peace.

Exercise has many ways that it lifts your mood, but there is a point of using exercise to escape struggles vs. helping you overcome them.

When you sit with discomfort and find what actually fills you emotionally, your strength of self grows.  Your confidence to live and handle difficult situations increases.

#2 – You have mental space to pursue your dreams

This one is huge.

When your mind is cluttered with searching for the next diet or exercise program, or finding recipes that fit the new fad, or shopping for the latest exercise gear you cannot focus on what really matters most to you in life.

It may even go deeper.  If you are staying focused on analyzing food / exercise to avoid dealing with something else, it is time to move forward. 

If you are hiding your best self behind counting this or that, trying to control every bite or workout, it is time to open the curtain and step out on your stage.

#3 – You have increased physical energy

You sleep well, you wake up with energy, and it stays consistent throughout the day so you can accomplish your goals and still enjoy family and friends at the end of the day.

#4 – Your ability to enforce boundaries, with yourself and others, improves

Food police?  Exercise drill sergeant? No more.  Either from others or yourself.

You confidently handle critics.

You also are able to tell yourself “no” when a choice does not value you.

#5 – You have more fun and are more fun to be around

When your excitement comes from discussing the latest fad exercise or diet, it is a boring life.

However, when you have recent adventures or a book you read or a funny family gathering or ____ to talk about, conversations have life in them.

You meet up with people, confident as you accept yourself and others, with less judgement.

Social situations around food are no longer stressful.

You have the physical fitness to enjoy the adventures you want.

#6 – You feel successful, because you are successful

When you learn what works for your body and your lifestyle, and you have the tools and techniques to stick with it, you reach your goals.

You feel successful along the journey because you are living what you value.

#7 – This is a bonus reason because I just had, an hour ago, a conversation with a client and this reason came up – so I added it: 

You become a leader and influencer for good in those around you.

This client was waiting on the inspiration to make changes to come from his circle of family and friends.  I challenged him “Think about who you want to be.  Do you want to be the person who waits to be led or do you want to lead?  Do you want to be influenced or do you want to influence?”  I challenge you, too.  When you find your path to Thrive, you will inspire others to do the same.

This is what finding your path to THRIVE brings you.  It is one of the most amazing adventures you’ll ever go on.

Go here to check out my newest course, so you can THRIVE in your LIFE.  (We start in a few days.)

{Pop Quiz} Are you a Path Finder?

As crazy as this may sound, I want you to take a moment to imagine this:

Imagine a world where you *really* ignored the voices saying that there is only one way to live healthy and you have to conform to that only-one-way?

How would you live?

What would your relationship with food, with others, with yourself be like?

How would you move?

What would you experience?

Yes, it takes practice, but you can become a person who is unphased by what other people or the media say about how you should live your health.

But, it doesn’t just stop there.

Picture yourself:

·         Waking up refreshed with energy, excited about the day.

·         Sticking with new healthy habits, as they come easier for you.

·         Not worrying about “lifestyle diseases” – maybe even with a decrease in meds.

·         Enjoying peace in your relationship with food, not scared of it.

·         Discovering new physical activities that enhance all of your life.

·         Savoring meals, without guilt and shame.

·         Enjoying life – whether big adventures or intimate family time – free of physical, emotional, or social limitations.

Would you believe it’s possible?

It is . . . and the “how” is your being a Path Finder: finding your path to Thrive.

What are the traits of a Path Finder?  I’ve identified 7 qualities of a Path Finder –

#1 – PRACTICE Mindset

#2 – PRINCIPLES Lifestyle

#3 – PERSONALITY Focus

#4 – True PLEASURE Awareness

#5 – PEOPLE and Resource Seeker

#6 – PRESENT

#7 – POSITIVE POSITION

Do you embody these 7 traits of a Path Finder?

Finding a path in Colorado

Finding a path in Colorado

POP   QUIZ   TIME

Have you ever …

A) Decided to skip exercise because there wasn’t time for “all” of it?

B) Felt frustration because you tried and failed a program?

C) Been unable to stop the food police from telling you what you should or shouldn’t eat?

D) Beaten yourself up because of something (or how much) you ate?

E) Told yourself “What’s the point?” about a new healthy habit you tried?

F) Felt unable to relax as you multi-tasked a meal, or even a walk in nature?

G) Missed an important experience with your mind elsewhere?

Did you say “yes” to any of the questions?

You are not alone. 

At one time or another, we have all been there, done that, thought that.

Please DO NOT beat yourself up.

It is because of the lies we are taught by well-meaning family/friends and by the media.

Fortunately, it is never too late to discover and embrace the truth.

Here are some basic ways to begin to understand the 7 qualities of a Path Finder:

Finding a path in Utah

Finding a path in Utah

#1 – PRACTICE Mindset

            Experimenting with ways of eating and moving, with a lot of compassion for yourself.

#2 – PRINCIPLES Lifestyle

            Learning the principles (not rigid rules) of healthy living, based on research – adapting them as life situations change.

#3 – PERSONALITY Focus

            Discovering what is fun for your personality, your preferences, your needs.

#4 – True PLEASURE Awareness

            Knowing that false-pleasure never really satisfies, choosing what actually satisfies you.

#5 – PEOPLE and Resource Seeker

            Finding out what is stopping you from achieving your goals and then finding the people and resources that will help you.

#6 – PRESENT

            Embracing where you are and experiencing the present moment

#7 – POSITIVE POSITION

            Believing that you can do it, consuming only messages that reinforce your beliefs and dreams, and focusing on your reasons.

Learning and practicing these 7 qualities will change your life for the better.  I promise.

How much do you desire to Find Your own Path to Thrive?

I hope a lot (because it changes everything!)

Let’s keep this discussion going.

The #1 Way to Wreck Your Path and Six Signs You May Be Wrecking Yours

Here’s a question that I consistently hear: “I’m tired of doing what doesn’t work.  How do I get results?”

You buy the latest diet book every friend swears by – but then they swore by a different one 3 months ago.

You join a different gym or buy another late-night-TV fitness gadget, because this one has (fill in the blank) that the others didn’t have, so you know you’ll use it – next week.

You download another meditation or time-tracker or motivation app, but somehow it doesn’t help.

How do you get results?

Before I share how, I want you to understand that the answer goes against what main stream media and well-meaning fitness gurus will tell you.  It even goes against what my mom taught me (and it took me a while to accept that).

Here’s the answer: Find your path.

A path that is yours, that embraces your lifestyle and values, that enhances your life without consuming it. Why?  Because if it does not focus on you, no program, book, gadget or method will work for you.

Finding your path paves the way to

  • greater energy

  • freedom from worrying about lifestyle diseases

  • peace in your mind and with yourself

  • an increased enjoyment of life – whether big adventures or time with family

  • thriving in every area of your life

Go here to enroll in my newest course … Thrive Life

You can find your path to results.  Your first step, which – I know from experience - is the hardest, is to stop believing what I call the Big Lie.  It wrecks your path.

It pushes you further away from success and traps you in bondage.  The lie, like most, is subtle in your mind, but you can see signs of it wrecking your path. 

At the end I’ll tell you 6 signs that you may be believing the Big Lie.

First, I’ll share a bit of my story of believing this Big Lie and how it harmed me for well over 25 years of my life.

I used to be deeply trapped in this lie.

When I was 9 I started believing it.  I bought my first fitness magazine and started on my first diet.  The magazine (this one – this is the original one) became an authority figure in my life, telling me that I was supposed to eat and exercise a certain way.

I counted the calories on my plate; I analyzed the food on my parents’ plates when we’d go out to eat.  In fact, my dad later told me they stopped enjoying going out as a family because all I did was analyze what everyone was eating.  I wouldn’t skip exercise, even if it meant getting out of bed with a fever to finish it. 

Yes, I did that.

The deeper I got into this lie, the more restricted I became.  Others thought I was self-disciplined – but I wasn’t.  Self-discipline comes from the inside, from the self.  I was forcing conformity to an outside, external, someone else’s rule.

(A little side-lesson here … we all have a need for autonomy, that thing that protects us and our boundaries, our sense of self and our ability to choose.  I allowed this magazine – and later all of the other diet rules – to tell me what to do.  It was my job to tell me that, so I was allowing my sense of autonomy to be pushed down.  And it will only be pushed down so long.)

I remember in college going to parties, eating “perfectly” but then coming back to an apartment and eating ½ bag of my roommates cookies.

I was recently reading some of my old journals, which at the time included daily calorie counts.  I came across a section in which I was berating myself for sneak eating several doughnuts.  At the time I wrote it, I recall thinking how “bad” I was.  When I look at it now, I understand that I was starving myself for several days prior, through both under-eating and running several miles.  No wonder I was craving doughnuts.

Of course, the good news now that I don’t believe the lie anymore, I could care less about doughnuts and actually don’t like them.

So, what is the Big Lie? 

“There’s one way to be healthy and you must conform your life to that one way.”

You absolutely must give up believing this lie to reach your health and fitness goals.

Each person’s path is unique, but not random.  Your path will be based on underlying proven principles, but if you believe that there is one way to live healthy, you will be forever trying things that don’t work in the long-run and will always be searching outside of yourself. 

  • Those ways create struggle, not ease.

  • Those ways are complicated, not simple.

  • Those ways constrict and deprive you, not free you.

Are you possibly believing the lie that here is one way to be healthy and you must conform your life to that one way?

Sign #1: You skip exercise or meal-prep because something else came up.  Why?  You didn’t have time to do it “all” and you’ve believed all-or-none; don’t do something half-way.

Your Path? You believe something is better than nothing and set standards that fit your life.

Sign #2: You go workout and push yourself until you cannot walk normally the next day, then don’t workout again for weeks.  Why?  You’ve believed “No pain – no gain,” or “go hard or go home.”  Or a guru has told you that if you don’t get your heartrate into a certain zone it does you no good.

Your Path? You embrace the intensity of exercise you enjoy.

Sign #3: You eat foods that bore you, or you feel guilty if you eat something you really enjoy. Why?  Someone has been the food police and told you, “If it tastes good, spit it out.  It can’t be good for you.”

Your Path? You listen for true pleasure (not false pleasure) and savor quality.

Sign #4: You are busy and don’t exercise, believing if you don’t exercise for ____ time it won’t do you any good.

Your Path? You know the research and that helps you adapt to your life. Some days you go exercise and some days you fit in bits of activity throughout your day.

Sign #5: This ____ diet is the one that works.  It worked for so-and-so celebrity last year.

Well, that was last year.  This _____ diet is the one that really works.  It worked for so-and-so celebrity this year.  And if it is not working for you, you must be cheating.

Your Path? You understand what works for your body and you know that what you eat is not a moral issue.

Sign #6: You avoid going to a party, trying a new adventure, or just going to the gym because you have to look a certain way, touch your toes, lift a lot of weight, run a particular pace – or you are really unfit and you aren’t trying.

Your path?  You go enjoy your life, because you ignore the confining opinions and messages out there.

These lies push you further away from success.

If you want to find your path to results, you must decide once and for all that the hype and the lies, no matter how glorious and glittery they sound, are not for you.

I get it.

Rejecting the lies can be hard, but do you know what’s even harder?

Continuing to try every new one-size-fits-all rule, failing, feeling guilty and trapped.

This is why learning to find your path to Thrive in Life will be one of the most amazing gifts you’ll ever give yourself.

I am thrilled to let you know that enrollment is open for my newest course: Thrive Life. Click here for details.

Join the conversation – Which of the six signs are you guilty of that is wrecking your path?  What is one small thing you can do TODAY to help you break out of the lies and Thrive?

 

Why self-care is important: one client's story

A picture is worth a thousand words.

So, since this is a picture plus words, how many does that equal?

Seriously, this is a powerful visual I’ve used to illustrate the impact of self-care.